Red Ochre Cliff
by CJ Lauren
Summary: Jane meets someone from his past at a crime scene, a woman who he has not seen in four decades. She is not at all happy to see him, and her presence will expose a horrible secret that he has tried to conceal from everyone at the CBI.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

It was a typical morning. Rigsby was trying to get ideas from Van Pelt and Cho for Ben's birthday gift, and it seemed that they were coming up with ridiculous ideas. Jane was semi-asleep on his couch, but awoke as Lisbon walked into the bullpen.

"Let's go, we have a case," she said. "Van Pelt, I want you to stay here and coordinate, we'll send you information when we get it." Van Pelt nodded, and Cho and Rigsby got up to follow Lisbon.

"Jane, come on, you're coming with us," Lisbon ordered, and although Jane looked like he would rather be sleeping, he got up and followed the team.

An hour later, they pulled up to a small, white bungalow. There was already a police car out front.

The team entered the house and showed their badges to the sheriff. "I'm Agent Lisbon, this is Agent Cho, Agent Rigsby and Patrick Jane. What do we got?"

The sheriff led the team into the living room. "72 year old male, blunt force trauma to the head. His name is Victor Garell. He was home alone while his wife was at the store, she came home and found this. Doesn't look like a robbery, nothing seems to be missing," the sheriff said. He had a clear no-nonsense attitude.

Jane takes his time looking around the room. "Married, but they weren't in love with each other. They weren't even really close friends, they just lived together."

"How can you tell?" Rigsby questioned.

Jane smiled. "There's no pictures, no knick knacks, nothing personal at all. This is a house but not a home, neither of them feels any attachment to it, and those feelings extend to their marriage."

"Where is the wife?" Lisbon questioned the sheriff.

"She's in the kitchen, I told her that you guys would want to talk to her. I'm going to head out, we just busted a meth lab and there's a ton of paperwork. You give me a call if you need anything," the sheriff said, gesturing in the direction of the kitchen. It connected to the living room; there was no door in between the two rooms.

"Thank you Sheriff. Jane, you're with me," Lisbon ordered. When they walked into the kitchen, they saw her sitting alone at the table. She looked to be in her mid-to-late sixties, with grey hair tied back in a loose bun. Even though she was sitting, she was obviously not a tall woman. She looked up as Lisbon began to introduce herself and Jane, but the woman cut her off.

"Patrick…of course. Someone's life is ruined and here you are. I should have known you would show up." The bitterness in the woman's voice was tangible, and as Lisbon turned towards Jane, she saw the initial confusion on his face fade away. He turned slightly pale, and although he carefully arranged his features in a neutral expression, Lisbon knew him well enough to see the hint of trepidation behind his blue eyes. Perhaps even more surprisingly, Jane did not say a word. He simply stared at the woman in front of him, and she glared back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"So…you two know each other?" Lisbon asked, in an attempt to break the ice that had formed.

"No. No, I don't know her at all." Jane's careful reply was full of hidden meaning that Lisbon did not quite understand. The woman made a derisive noise, and Lisbon turned to look at her, full of questions that she wasn't sure how to ask.

"I have been fortunate enough to have Patrick out of my life for the last forty years," the woman told Lisbon, before facing Jane. "You ruin every life you touch. I'm surprised that wife and daughter of yours lasted as long as they did. It was only a matter of time." Her voice was full of venom, but Jane only blinked at her, determined not to let her see that her words had hurt him. Disappointed, she looked back at Lisbon. "You should stay away from him. Get him out of your life, as far away as possible. You'll be much better off, trust me."

At these words, Lisbon's eyes flashed with anger. Jane might be a pain in the ass sometimes, but he is her friend. He has a good heart, and she cares deeply for him.

"You know what Lisbon, you can handle the interview, I'm going to go and take another look in the other room" said Jane, seeing the mixture of anger and confusion in Lisbon's eyes as she tried –and failed– to come up with an appropriate response. Lisbon looked at him, surprised, but nodded. There was clearly more to this than she understood, and he was behaving very strangely. It wasn't like Jane to be so non-confrontational. He must really want to get away from this woman, Lisbon realized.

Jane walked back into the living room, as Cho and Rigsby quickly stopped eavesdropping and resumed their work in silence.

In the kitchen, Lisbon was still filled with questions, but she decided to start small. "What is your name?" She asked the older woman.

"Amelia Gorell." The woman looked surprised at the simple question, and her tone remained icy, although it had softened somewhat now that Jane had left.

"Okay," Lisbon said. That was a start. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"I came home from the store. I had just gone to get a few groceries. My husband stayed here, watching TV. When I came back…" Amelia paused for a moment, and it the first hint of sadness she had shown since the CBI had arrived. "I found him like that. I dropped my groceries, and I dialed 911," she finished, her voice now completely devoid of emotion.

Lisbon could not quite figure Amelia out, and so she continued asking the standard questions. "Mrs Gorell, can you think of any reason someone might have broken into your house? Anyone who would want to hurt your husband?"

"No, nothing was taken so I don't think they were trying to rob us, and we don't really have anything worth robbing anyways. My husband was a pushover, he didn't stand up to anybody so nobody ever really had a problem with him." She paused, and a slight smirk crossed her face. "Maybe he met Patrick," Amelia added, her voice once again full of hatred.

Lisbon wasn't sure what to say to that. Part of her wanted to ask Amelia what had happened between her and Jane, but given the woman's extreme animosity towards her colleague, Lisbon did not think that Amelia would give her an unbiased answer. She made a mental note to ask Jane later, although she was not sure he would be any more forthcoming than Amelia. Lisbon thanked Amelia for her time, and went to join her colleagues in the living room.

"Boss. What was that all about?" Rigsby was the first to ask. Lisbon realized that Jane wasn't there.

Lisbon merely shook her head. "I have no idea. Where is Jane?"

"He stepped outside. Said he didn't want to be in this house any more," Cho replied, succinct as usual.

"Alright, I'm going to go talk to him, and we'll probably head back to the office. You guys finish up here. Give the victim's name to Van Pelt, see what she can find on him" Lisbon's orders came naturally, and Cho and Rigsby nodded their agreement.

Outside, Lisbon found Jane standing next to a tree, staring at the sky. She was a bit surprised that he hadn't just taken the car and left. She slowly approached him, and he turned to face her.

"Lisbon…what did she say?" Jane's question reflected the uncertainty in his face, and there was a slight hint of fear despite his attempt at keeping his tone neutral.

Lisbon knew that Jane wasn't asking about the case. "She didn't say how you two know each other," Lisbon paused, looking Jane right in the eye, "but I didn't ask."

Jane took a few moments to ponder that. He knew Lisbon must be wondering what he had done to warrant Amelia's wrath. If he told her, she would probably take him off the case. But, Jane thought, maybe that isn't such a bad thing. "Then we need to talk. But not here," Jane finally said.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks so much for all of the reviews! It's good to know that people are interested :) This is a bit of a shorter chapter, but I'll hopefully have the next one up soon! I'm aiming for a chapter each day.

**Chapter 3**

Jane and Lisbon had driven back to CBI in silence, and once there, Lisbon followed Jane directly to her office, closing the door behind them. Jane stood for a moment, unsure, and then sat on Lisbon's couch. She sat beside him, continuing to follow his lead.

After a minute of silence, Lisbon finally said his name, "Jane." He looked at her, seemingly surprised by the sound. She realized that she still didn't quite know what questions to ask, so she settled simply for repeating her earlier question. "How do you know Amelia Gorell?"

As much as Lisbon wasn't sure how to ask all of the questions swimming around inside her head, Jane wasn't sure how to approach answering them. "That's a complicated question," he said, avoiding her eyes.

Lisbon realized that Jane wasn't trying to be difficult, that the topic was clearly hard for him to discuss, so she tried a different approach, allowing her training in interrogation to take over. "Okay, she said you haven't been in each other's lives for the last 40 years," Lisbon said, slightly rephrasing Amelia's words to make them less confrontational. Jane noticed this, but didn't say anything. He simply nodded to confirm what Lisbon had said. "Alright, 40 years ago…that would make you what, five?" Again, Jane nodded in confirmation, and Lisbon continued. "So before 40 years ago, what was she to you?"

Jane raised his eyes to meet hers. He hadn't expected such a direct question, and he very much struggled trying to convince himself to say those words, to admit what he had spent the last forty years trying to forget. He focused on Lisbon's green eyes, never breaking eye contact, as he whispered his response. "Before forty years ago…she was my mother."


	4. Chapter 4

This is a bit sooner than I expected, but it's another short chapter! I'll get another one up tomorrow. Thanks again for all of the reviews, and please let me know if you think I'm off the mark :)

**Chapter 4**

Jane was trying to gauge Lisbon's reaction, but there were so many emotions and questions written all over her face, that he wasn't sure what to think. The uncertainty reminded him of when he had confessed to her that he had spent time in a psychiatric hospital. He had been terrified of her reaction, but after the initial surprise, she seemed to take it in stride. Jane knew though, that once Lisbon found out why his mother had left, why she hated him so much, she would not be quite so understanding.

For her part, Lisbon was trying to reconcile the idea of the hostile woman she had met earlier with the idea of being a mother. Jane had never mentioned his mother; Lisbon had always assumed that she had died when he was young, or that he never knew who she was. How could she detest her son so much if she last saw him as a five year old? And why did Jane allow her to treat him so harshly?

Jane decided to continue, although he wasn't entirely sure how. "I didn't know that she had gotten married," he said lamely, figuring that it was safer to keep the discussion relevant to the case.

"Why did she leave?" Lisbon blurted out, causing Jane to avert his gaze and stare down at the floor. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"No, it's a fair question," Jane cut her off. He took a deep breath. "She hates me, as you probably noticed. She left because she didn't want to see me again, and my father…" Jane trailed off prematurely. There was more that he had intended to say, but something held him back.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Van Pelt poked her head inside Lisbon's office. "Boss, we've got a lead," she told them. It was clear from the way that she kept looking back and forth between Jane and Lisbon that Cho and Rigsby had told her what happened at the crime scene.

"Alright, we'll be there in a minute," Lisbon told her. Van Pelt nodded and left. Lisbon stood up to move towards the door, and Jane followed a half-second behind, when Lisbon turned to stop him.

"Jane, maybe you shouldn't be on this case," she said softly, watching his face closely as she spoke.

Jane smiled ever so slightly; he had expected this. "I think that's a good idea. You won't get anywhere with her if she thinks I'm involved, and I'd really rather not see her again. But I would like to help out behind the scenes," Jane replied. He had been re-thinking his involvement in the case, and he knew he did not want to be kept out of the loop.

Lisbon considered Jane's proposal. Again, it was very unlike him to be so agreeable. It would be better if he wasn't involved at all, but he would probably be able to provide insight into the case that the rest of the team would have missed. Anyways, if he wanted to be involved, there really wasn't anything Lisbon could do to stop him. "All right, but strictly unofficial," she told him, before dropping the business tone. "What do you want to tell them?"

"If they dig deep enough, they will probably find out anyways." Jane had resigned himself to this fact, but he was fairly sure they would not be able to find out why his mother had left. Growing up as a carny meant that certain paperwork was lacking; he had not even received a birth certificate until he left as an adult.

Lisbon nodded her agreement, and the two of them went out to the bullpen to see what the team had found.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

As soon as the team saw Jane and Lisbon walking towards them, they fell silent. Their curiosity was palpable, and Jane didn't waste time beating around the bush. "Amelia Gorell was my mother. I'm not officially on this case. As far as she is concerned, I'm not involved at all," he told them, carefully watching each of them for their reactions.

Whatever the team had expected, it wasn't that. They hesitated, shocked. Finally, Grace broke the silence with a simple question. "Was?" She asked shyly, picking up on Jane's choice of words.

"Yes. Was. She has not been my mother for a long time," Jane said forcefully, his voice tinged with anger. He seemed to realize this, and when he spoke again he had resumed his neutral tone. "It shouldn't be relevant to the case. What did you find?"

Grace looked to Lisbon, unsure. When the boss nodded, Grace picked up a file. "Our victim, Victor Gorell, only appeared on the record twenty-three years ago. At that time, he got a name change. His previous name was Tomas Czawski, he was charged with embezzlement but the charges were dropped in exchange for his testimony against his partner, Gary Morgan. They had been working for a shipping company, but the VP found out about the embezzlement and Morgan killed him. Czawski's testimony was key to putting Morgan away. He's spent the last twenty-five years in prison, but was released four months ago. Czawski changed his name and moved across the country to get away from all of that. He got married to Amelia sixteen years ago, and he worked at a convenience store until he retired in 2008."

"This Morgan guy seems like an obvious suspect," Cho added when Van Pelt finished.

Lisbon nodded. "Rigsby, Van Pelt, go talk to him. Cho and I will go back and talk to the wife and see if she knew about any of this." It was clear that Rigsby and Van Pelt were disappointed; they had both wanted to meet Jane's mother, but they knew better than to argue with their boss.

The team headed out, leaving Jane alone. Lisbon paused, looking at him and wondering if she should say something. He returned her gaze, but then went towards the kitchen, no doubt going to make some tea, so Lisbon followed Cho towards the elevators.


	6. Chapter 6

So, I'm thinking this is going to be about 15 chapters overall. At least, that's the way I've planned it so far! I love getting reviews, so thank you to everyone who has taken the time to do so!

I hope everyone enjoys the finale tonight :)

**Chapter 6**

"Has Jane ever talked about his mother before?" Van Pelt asked Rigsby as they drove to Morgan's last known address.

"Not in all the years I've known him," Rigsby replied. "Man, I wonder what happened. You should have seen how she treated him. And he just took it, and then walked away. It was so weird."

Meanwhile, Cho and Lisbon had driven back to the Gorell house in silence. Lisbon had no idea what Cho was thinking, but she was worried about how Amelia Gorell would react to their presence. Before she knew it, they were standing on her doorstep.

Lisbon knocked firmly. "Mrs Gorell? CBI, we have a few questions for you," she said loudly. After a few moments, the door opened a crack, and Amelia looked from Lisbon to Cho, and then behind them, before opening the door more fully. She was looking to see if Jane was there, Lisbon realized.

"Come in," Amelia told them, and they followed her into the kitchen.

"Where is Patrick?" Amelia asked disdainfully.

"It's against protocol for us to work on cases we have a personal connection to. He's sitting this one out," Lisbon said calmly.

"He told you what happened?" Amelia seemed skeptic.

"He told us enough. Were you aware that your husband previously went by the name of Tomas Czawski?" Cho changed the topic, and Lisbon gave him a grateful look. This was exactly why she had brought him along. He wouldn't allow his curiosity to distract him from the case.

"Yes. He changed it after testifying against some guy he worked with," Amelia said impatiently. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Lisbon sighed audibly. "Mrs Gorell, when I spoke to you earlier, you said you couldn't think of anyone who would want to hurt your husband. What about the man he testified against?"

"Well, that man is in prison. He couldn't have done this." Amelia sounded like she was trying to explain 2+2 to a small child.

"Actually, he was released four months ago," Cho responded. He was liking this woman less and less, and her lack of caring seemed suspicious.

After several minutes of talking, it seemed like they were not going to get any helpful information out of the woman, so Lisbon said goodbye, and her and Cho left.

"Does her alibi hold up?" Cho asked Lisbon as soon as they got in the car.

Lisbon smiled slightly, pleased with Cho's instincts. "Yeah, she was at the grocery store, the timestamp is on her receipt and we saw her on the store's security cameras. She can't have done it."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

When Cho and Lisbon arrived back at CBI, Rigsby and Van Pelt were still out. Jane was sitting on his couch, seemingly lost in thought, and Lisbon sat down beside him.

"Hey. How did it go?" Jane asked, without looking at her.

"She knew he had changed his name, but thought that Morgan was still in prison. We've got nothing," Lisbon told him. After a pause, she softly asked, "How are you doing?"

Jane tried to smile but it ended up being more of a grimace. "I never wanted to see her again," he said simply.

"Jane, what happened? I mean, obviously something happened. I know you attract quite a few enemies, but this is different," Lisbon said with a half-hearted attempt to lighten the mood.

"I," there was a pause as Jane considered his words. "I made a mistake. I screwed up. I knew better, but I've never been very good at following the rules. And it was an unforgivable mistake," he confessed.

Lisbon considered what he had said, but it didn't make sense. "You were five when she left, right? What mistake could you have possibly made?"

Jane shook his head. "It doesn't matter," he told her.

Lisbon sighed. "Alright. You let me know if you change your mind."

"Sure," Jane nodded, although he could not possibly foresee that happening. Lisbon put her hand over his, but didn't say a word. There was no sense pushing Jane; he knew that she would be there for him when he was ready.

The silence was broken by the sound of Lisbon's phone ringing. "Van Pelt, what do you have?" Lisbon listened to the younger woman before responding. "Okay great, we'll have forensics take a look. I want you to track down any of his friends or family, see if there's anywhere he might be hiding out." There was another pause as Van Pelt responded, and then Lisbon ended the call.

"He wasn't there. They found a towel with quite a bit of blood on it in the garbage can out front, not sure if it belongs to the victim, though. Forensics is going to check it out," Lisbon answered Jane's unspoken question.

"So, he looks good for it," Jane said. "That's great." The sooner they got this case done with, the sooner he could forget about Amelia Gorell. He was sick of everyone tip-toeing around him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Jane spent the night at CBI. He had no desire to sit alone in his motel room, and there was no chance of him getting a decent night's sleep. Around 5am, while still laying down he pulled an old photo out of his wallet. It showed two young boys, about aged 4 and 5, with matching curly blond hair and blue eyes. The older one had his arm around the younger boy's shoulder, and the two of them were smiling as if they hadn't a care in the world. The younger boy was clutching a small teddy bear.

Jane stared at the picture, lost in thought, and didn't realize he drifted off to sleep until he was woken up by Lisbon. "Cute kids," she commented.

It took Jane a minute to realize that he was still holding the photo in his hands. "Who are they?" Lisbon asked.

Jane didn't say anything, as he silently pondered how much to tell her. Finally, he decided on a glossed-over version of the truth. "That's me, when I was five" he told Lisbon, pointing at the older boy, "and that is Eric. He was four," Jane finished, gesturing towards the younger boy.

Lisbon sat down beside Jane, and smiled gently. She knew she would have to tread carefully if she wanted him to continue. "You two seem pretty close," she said, keeping her tone neutral. The boys looked so similar, she knew they must be related.

Jane smiled, but his eyes were filled with sadness. "We were inseparable." There was a long pause as he worked up the courage to continue. "Eric died a few weeks after this picture was taken," he finally whispered.

"I'm sorry. What happened?" Lisbon asked gently, but Jane shook his head wordlessly. Lisbon squeezed his hand. "Is that why your mother left?" She tried again, hoping to get him to open up.

At that moment, Cho arrived to work, and Lisbon knew the conversation was over. Jane quickly slipped the photo back into his wallet, and excused himself to go make some tea, nearly bumping into Rigsby as he left.

"Boss, is he okay?" Rigsby asked.

"I don't know. He doesn't want to talk about it." Lisbon didn't mention anything that Jane had just told her; it seemed very personal and she knew it wasn't something that he wanted the team to know. Besides, she wasn't even sure what exactly 'it' was. "Where are we with tracking down Morgan's friends and family?" Lisbon changed the subject as Van Pelt arrived.

"We've got a few possibilities. There's a brother out in San Jose, and a former roommate in LA." Cho told her.

"Great, you and Rigsby go check it out." They nodded, and left immediately. Lisbon walked over to Grace. "Listen, can you dig into Amelia Gorell's background?" Lisbon asked quietly, not wanting Jane to overheard. Grace looked up at her boss, unsure why exactly she was asking.

"Is there something specific you want me to look for?" Grace asked.

"No, it doesn't look like she's involved in the murder. I just want to make sure we aren't missing anything. And there's definitely something that her and Jane haven't told us. It probably isn't relevant to the case, but I'd like you to see what you can find anyways. And keep it low-profile, if nothing comes of it there's no reason to tell the others, especially Jane." Lisbon didn't like going behind her consultant's back like this, even though he did it to her all the time. It made her uncomfortable, but her instincts were telling her that they were missing something.

Grace nodded. "I'll get right on it," she assured Lisbon, and busied herself with her computer as Jane headed back over to his couch, cup of tea in hand.

Lisbon was about to head into her office, when she caught sight of a familiar face in the hall and froze. Amelia Gorell was walking towards her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Lisbon glanced over at Jane. He had noticed her change in demeanor, and followed her gaze to where his mother stood. He clutched his teacup a bit tighter, but otherwise showed no sign that anything was wrong. Lisbon headed towards the woman, hoping to direct Amelia into her office rather than the bullpen.

"Hi Mrs Gorell, can I help you?" At the sound of Lisbon's voice, Grace turned in surprise, eager to catch a glimpse of this mysterious woman. She watched as Amelia responded.

"I received a letter this morning." Amelia informed Lisbon in her typical direct manner. She pulled the letter out of her pocked and handed it to Lisbon. Amelia's eyes then fell on her son.

Jane stood and walked towards her. As much as he wanted to run in the other direction, he was going to at least try to be civil. Normally he doesn't care what other people think of him, but the last thing he wanted was for people to be asking about his mother. He stopped a good distance away, and said "Good morning."

Both Amelia and Lisbon looked surprised by this. Lisbon wasn't entirely sure what she had expected Jane to do, but given Amelia's behaviour towards him, exchanging pleasantries wasn't high on the list of possibilities.

"Get away from me, Patrick. You never learn," Amelia said. Jane looked at her, confused. It wasn't her words that had struck him; he had heard her say much worse. But the anger sounded forced, and she mostly just seemed tired.

Jane decided to take another stab at conversation. "I'm sorry about all of this," he said quietly, not quite meeting her eyes.

"You're sorry?" The weariness was gone from her voice, and the resentment no longer sounded forced. Amelia took a step towards Jane, and he instinctively took a step backwards. "Sorry doesn't fix anything. Don't you know that by now? I never should have listened to your father. I should have gotten rid of you when I had the chance. How many lives do you need to destroy before you understand?" She hissed.

Jane stood silently – there was nothing else he could say. He was thankful that the bullpen was still fairly empty at this time of day, but sorry that Grace and Lisbon had seen this.

"Mrs Gorell, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. We will contact you if needed. Thank you for bringing the letter by." Lisbon was clearly furious, and doing a very bad job of trying to hide her feelings behind a veil of professionalism. This made Jane smile slightly. He knew she would always defend him, even if he didn't deserve it. He was lucky to have her.

"No, you need to read the letter," Amelia insisted. "Believe me, I'd rather leave, but somebody seems to have other ideas." She gave Jane another dirty look, as if this was entirely his fault. Lisbon couldn't help but notice that she was acting like a teenager, rather than a grown woman.

Lisbon opened up the letter and read it silently to herself, before passing it to Jane and Van Pelt. Jane felt the colour drain from his face as Grace read the letter out loud.


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks to everyone who has stuck with this story! And thanks for all of the reviews :) I hope you enjoy this chapter - so far I have kept to my 15-chapter plan, so we're nearing the end. And I promise, next chapter you'll find out what happened to Eric ;)

**Chapter 10**

_"Dear Mr. Jane, _

_I am sorry to have to bring you into this, but Tomas did not do a very good job saving the money that I gave him. He spent it all and then sent me to prison, and now it is time for me to take back what is mine. Leave $10 000 at the base of the cliff today at 5:00pm, or I will kill a small child playing nearby_."

Grace finished reading the letter, and then looked up at Jane and Lisbon. "It looks like we were right about Morgan," she commented. Even though the letter was not signed, it seemed obvious that it had been written by him. Or by someone pretending to be him, Lisbon realized.

"This seems too easy. What is the cliff?" Lisbon asked.

"Patrick didn't tell you," Amelia said. It was a statement, not a question.

"By the old fairgrounds. There's a large cliff overlooking the entire area. That's where he wants me to go," Jane whispered. His face still hadn't regained its normal colour, and his head was spinning as he tried to make sense of the images and questions going through it. "Who knew? Who did you tell?" He addressed Amelia hesitantly, but he was no longer whispering.

"Are you saying this is my fault?!" Amelia began angrily.

"No!" Jane backtracked. "It's just, there's more to this than just simple payback. Did Victor know?" Jane's voice was filled with urgency, and a touch of panic. He couldn't believe this was happening.

"No, he did not. We aren't the kind of people who get all emotional with each other," Amelia said, and Patrick had no trouble believing it, based on what he had seen at their house. Amelia and Victor had not been close.

Jane started pacing. He needed time to think. Lisbon and Van Pelt were confused, but it seemed they usually were, where Jane was concerned, and so they put their questions aside for the moment.

"Mrs Gorell, would you mind waiting here for a little while? We may have more questions for you," Lisbon said. Amelia looked less than thrilled at the prospect, but since she didn't really have anywhere else to be, she nodded. "Great. Van Pelt, can you take her into room 1?"

"Sure," Grace nodded. "Follow me please," she addressed Amelia for the first time. The two of them left, and Grace returned alone a minute later. Jane was still pacing.

"Okay, how about we all sit down," Lisbon suggested. She knew this wasn't going to be an easy conversation, and Jane would be less than thrilled at the prospect of sharing this story with the whole team. They'd have to fill in Cho and Rigsby when they returned.

Jane looked at Lisbon, and then headed over to his couch. Lisbon sat beside him, and Grace brought over a chair.

"The cliff. What does that mean to you?" Lisbon asked.

Jane leaned forward, resting his forehead in his hands. He needed to calm down. "Does it matter?" He asked wearily. He knew the answer before Lisbon nodded. "Why don't you just ask her?" Jane tried again.

"Because I'd like to hear it from you," Lisbon told him gently. Jane knew she was right, she may not always trust him, but she trusted him more than Amelia, and wanted to give him the opportunity to tell her himself.

Jane exhaled slowly. "The cliff is where Eric died," he started, before remembering that Grace didn't know who Eric was. Come to think of it, he hadn't really told Lisbon either, although she must have some idea. He pulled out his wallet and took out the same picture he had shown Lisbon a few hours earlier.

"That's me, and that is Eric," Jane told Grace, pointing to each boy as he spoke.

"Who is Eric? He looks so much like you," Grace said, studying the photograph.

"He was my brother," Jane quietly replied, confirming Lisbon's earlier suspicions. He took a deep breath, and began to tell his story.


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks for all the reviews! I'm glad people are interested :) I've had this chapter written for a while - it was kind of where the story started, in my mind. Hope you like it!

**Chapter 11**

"Eric and I were best friends. We went everywhere together. Since I was a year older, I was supposed to look after him, but I wasn't the most responsible kid. You know me and rules," Jane paused, looking from Grace to Lisbon.

"We had been at this fairground for five weeks, we were only going to be there for one more week before moving someplace else. There was this huge red cliff near the edge of the grounds, and if you could climb to the top, you would be able to see everything that was going on. Bird's eye view." As Jane spoke, his regret was obvious. Both Lisbon and Grace began to see where this was going, but they did not interrupt.

"It was high and rocky, and so of course we were not allowed to climb up there, but Eric and I had gone up a few times. I think he loved it even more than I did, he said it made him feel like he was on top of the whole world." Jane paused, remembering the smile on his little brother's face.

"One day, we were up there for the whole afternoon. Just sitting and watching. Finally, we stood up to leave for dinner, and Eric forgot that his bear was on his lap. When he stood up, the bear fell, and rolled off the edge. It didn't go too far though, there was a small rock ledge about two metres down, right before the straight drop to the bottom, and the bear landed on top of it. He loved that toy, wouldn't go anywhere without it. There was no way he was going to leave it there. I started looking around for something we could use to grab it, or maybe push it to the bottom where we could get at it. But the next thing I knew, Eric had begun to climb down the side of the cliff. And I just stayed at the top, watching." Jane's last statement was filled with self-resentment and blame.

"He actually made it to the ledge, carefully bent over to pick up the bear, but then as he stood up to show me, he got excited, and he slipped." Jane closed his eyes, painfully recalling the image of his little brother falling. "He screamed the whole way down. And then the moment he hit the rocks at the bottom, there was a horrible crack. I remember being surprised at how loud it was. And then, silence. He was still holding his bear." Jane stopped and opened his eyes.

Grace and Lisbon both had tears in their eyes. "Oh Jane, I'm so sorry," Lisbon whispered.

"I don't remember climbing back down the cliff, but I must have. I just remember kneeling next to him, begging him to wake up." Jane finished. There was more to the story; he could have told them how gradually people from the carnival began to gather around, or about his mother's fury when she saw what had happened, but it was all such a blur. He didn't want to revisit those awful memories.

"Why would Morgan want to meet you there? What does your brother have to do with any of this?" Grace murmured, recalling why Jane was telling them this in the first place.

Jane shook his head. "I don't know," he said. He knew that his mother wasn't the only one who blamed him for Eric's death, but who else knew the boy well enough to hold a grudge for all of these years?


	12. Chapter 12

This is another shorter chapter, but it seemed like a decent place to stop. I hope you like it :) We're near the end - only three more chapters after this one! Please let me know what you think.

**Chapter 12**

Lisbon was in her office, trying to do paperwork, but her thoughts kept returning to Jane and his brother. She remembered what he had told her a couple of years earlier, "Anybody that gets close to me, _bad_ things happen to them." Sadly, the more time she spent with Jane, the easier it was to understand why he said that.

The sound of a phone ringing interrupted her thoughts. "Cho, tell me you have something," Lisbon said as she picked up the phone.

"Boss, Morgan was at the brother's house. Says the two of them went to a casino on the night Victor Gorell was killed. Security footage confirms it. He's not our guy."

Lisbon groaned at Cho's news. "Great, so we're back to square one. Also, we have a bit of a problem," she told him, and then proceeded to fill Cho in on the letter Amelia had received, including the significance of the cliff. As usual, Cho didn't ask a lot of questions, and the conversation was over quickly.

No sooner had Lisbon hung up than Grace appeared at her door. "Boss? Do you have a minute?"

"Sure. That was Cho, apparently Morgan has an airtight alibi. Please tell me you have something useful," Lisbon said, exhausted.

"Well, I'm not sure if it's useful, but it's something. I was looking into Jane's mother, like you asked, and she was listed as the mother on the birth certificate for an Emily Parsons," Grace paused, allowing the news to sink in.

"She has a daughter?" Lisbon asked incredulously.

"Yep. The father's name is Jack Parsons, so I guess she's Jane's half-sister. There's more though. I pulled up Amelia Gorell's phone records, and there have been regular phone calls to Emily Parsons, dating back at least six months. They were definitely in contact," Grace said.

"I wonder why she didn't mention that," Lisbon mused. "Especially with the letter. The daughter probably knows about Jane and Eric." She sighed, "I'm going to go talk to Jane, see if he can tell us anything about her. Keep digging; I want everything you can find on Emily Parsons."

Lisbon headed over to Jane's couch, where he was sleeping. She wondered whether or not to wake him, when he opened his eyes. "Lisbon," Jane said by way of greeting.

"Did you know Amelia Gorell has a daughter?" Lisbon asked.

Jane sat up quickly. "No. I did not."

"Her name is Emily Parsons. Her birth certificate shows that she was born in 1965, but the certificate itself wasn't issued until 1973," Lisbon told him.

"Emily Parsons," Jane repeated the name, trying to figure out why it sounded so familiar. He really hadn't known about his half-sister, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he had known a girl by that name a long time ago. Suddenly, it came to him. "Jack's daughter," he realized.

"Yes, her father is Jack Parsons. You know them?" Lisbon asked.

Jane sighed. "Jack and Emily left a couple of months after Amelia."

"Left? What, you mean they were carnies too?" Lisbon clarified.

Jane nodded in confirmation. "Amelia and my father never wanted Eric and I to play with Emily. I guess that's why," he added, as an afterthought.

"Amelia has been in contact with her recently. We're not sure yet how far back it goes," Lisbon told him.

"You think she's involved," Jane said. It was not a question, and Lisbon didn't deny it.

"Cho and Rigsby should be back soon. When they get here, I'm going to have Cho talk to Amelia. In the meantime, Van Pelt is looking into Emily Parsons." Lisbon hesitated, trying to read Jane's expression. "Are you okay? This is a lot to take in."

"I'm fine. I would like to watch when Cho questions her, though," Jane said. It wasn't a request.

Lisbon nodded. "I will be there with you," she assured him.

He gave her a small smile. "Thanks," he said quickly. Sometimes he forgot how lucky he was to have a friend like Lisbon.


	13. Chapter 13

Happy Mothers' Day! Let me know what you think of the chapter! :) I always enjoy getting reviews (although for some reason it has stopped sending me email alerts!)

Also, for some reason the page break isn't working...I've tried a bunch of things but it deletes it every time! So I settled for the not-so-subtle words "page break" :P

**Chapter 13**

"So. Emily Parsons," Cho stated, as he sat down across from Amelia.

Surprise briefly registered on the older woman's face, but then her eyes hardened. "What about her?"

"Based on the letter you received, we're looking for someone connected to the death of Eric Jane. Probably someone who blames his brother for his death. Could Emily fit that description?" As always, Cho got right to the point.

"Why would Emily kill Victor? That's ridiculous!" Amelia declared.

"Okay then. Her and her father left the carnival shortly after you did. Did they join you?" Cho kept going.

"What? No! I just left. I didn't tell anyone where I was going. I just left and started a new life. I didn't hear from Emily until about a year ago." Amelia sounded a tiny bit ashamed. This fact didn't escape her son, on the other side of the glass.

"She's not exaggerating. She announced that she was leaving, and then a minute later she was gone," Jane told Lisbon softly.

Lisbon looked Jane right in the eye. "What happened that day?"

Jane sighed. "In the weeks after Eric's death…well, she didn't exactly handle it well. And since it was my fault, her anger was directed at me. Every time she saw me, she would tell me what a horrible brother I was, how stupid I was, how lazy and selfish, how I should have been the one who died, stuff like that. Lisbon…" The horrified look on Lisbon's face had made him stop. "Don't. Please."

Lisbon nodded, and despite very much wanting to, she refrained from hugging Jane. "One night…I don't know, she was probably drinking. Things got really heated, more than usual. Next thing I knew, she was pointing a gun at me." As he said this, Lisbon's eyes widened and she inhaled sharply, but kept silent.

Jane took a deep breath, as if to steady himself. "I have no idea where she managed to find a gun. My father tried to calm her down, but she wouldn't have any of it. She said that I wasn't her son anymore, her only son was dead, and I was the person who killed him," As Jane repeated those words, his voice cracked slightly, and Lisbon took his hands in hers. She was practically shaking with rage as she recalled Amelia's earlier words, 'I should have gotten rid of you when I had the chance.'

"She took a couple of shots, but missed by a pretty wide margin. My father managed to get the gun away from her, and he turned it on her. Then she told him that he had to pick, her or me. He told her that he couldn't let her kill me. I guess I was worth a lot more money to him than she was," Jane said, a strange mix of bitter and grateful. He had never been convinced that his father cared about him as anything more than a money-making scheme, but he couldn't ignore that Alex Jane had saved his son's life.

"So then, since my father was now the one with the gun, she just said that she was leaving. Grabbed a bag, stuffed a few things into it, and walked right by me, out the door. That was the last time I saw her, until yesterday." For the first time since he had begun his story, he met Lisbon's eyes. They were filled with sorrow.

Suddenly, Lisbon dropped his hands and threw her arms around his chest, holding him tightly. As she tried to process what Jane had told her, a thought crossed her mind. "That's why you hate guns," she whispered.

"Yes," Jane nodded.

The sound of Amelia shouting on the other side of the glass brought them back into the present.

"Why do you keep insisting that Emily has something to do with this?" Amelia was positively livid.

"Look, you just told me she knew about Victor's past. She could easily have known enough to frame Gary Morgan. After Eric died, you left, abandoning her. Something that she blames Jane for. And now she wants Jane to go to the exact spot where Eric died, with a relatively small sum of money. What else am I supposed to think?" Cho was losing patience.

"You know what? We're done!" Amelia declared furiously.

-page break-

"Van Pelt, what do you got?" Lisbon asked as the team regrouped in the bullpen.

"Not a whole lot. Jack Parsons died two years ago from a heart attack. The obituary listed Emily as the only family. I'm having trouble tracking down an address," Grace said.

Lisbon pinched the bridge of her nose as she thought. "Okay, you know what? We're going to go to the cliff." Though her voice was confident, Lisbon glanced at Jane, and she wondered if he would be okay with this. He didn't react.

"We don't know for sure if this is Emily Parsons, but it seems like the best way to find out. Everything about that note is off. It's a relatively small amount of money, and "kill a random child" is a pretty vague threat. It seems like it's more important that Jane be at the cliff, rather than being after the money. And at this point, we don't really have any other options." As Lisbon explained her reasoning, she could see Cho and Rigsby nodding in agreement.

"We should leave soon, if we're going to make it there by 5pm," Jane added, albeit somewhat reluctantly. He knew she was right – it's exactly what he would have done, too. Lisbon gave him a small smile.

"Well, let's go then," Rigsby said.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Jane and Lisbon pulled up at the base of the cliff at about 4:30pm. Rigsby, Cho and Van Pelt had stopped for food – Rigsby claimed he was starving – so they were going to be about fifteen minutes behind.

As they sat and waited, Lisbon assessed the cliff. It was about 50 metres tall, and she could see the ledge near the top, right above the near-vertical drop. From the back, there was a moderately steep hill that would allow people to walk almost all the way to the top. Although there were several families enjoying the late afternoon sun, the bottom of the cliff was quite rocky. It was easy to see how a fall could be deadly.

She turned to watch Jane closely. He was staring at the cliff, but looked like his mind was elsewhere. Once again, she took his hand. "How are you doing?"

He turned to face her. "I just want this to be over," he said, resigned. There was no point in pretending that he was fine with everything that had happened. Lisbon would have been able to tell, anyways. She was getting much better at reading him.

Lisbon squeezed his hand. "It will be, soon," she hesitated. "I'm sorry you have to come back here."

Jane smiled sadly. "No Lisbon. Why should I get to hide from my crimes?"

"Jane, it wasn't your fault!" Lisbon said vehemently. "You need to realize that."

"Sure. Like it wasn't my fault Red John went after my wife and daughter. That Kristina is catatonic. That Bosco and his team and Lee-Lee Barlow were killed. And there are so many others. Lisbon, it's not hard to see the connection," Jane bitterly told her.

"No. No, you listen to me." Lisbon tried to think of a way to make him understand. "My mom. She was killed by a drunk driver-"

"That's different-" Jane interjected, before Lisbon cut him off again.

"Stop. She was killed by a drunk driver. Would you try to tell me that it was her fault, that she shouldn't have been there, that she should have known what was going to happen and she should have driven a different route?"

"That's different. Lisbon, you know I don't believe in coincidences. It's not a coincidence that everyone I care about gets hurt. It's my fault; I'm the one who hurts them." He very badly wanted this conversation to be over, and was incredibly grateful to see Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt pull up in the rearview mirror.

Lisbon had noticed their arrival as well. "This isn't over," she warned.

-pagebreak-

Van Pelt, Cho and Rigsby began to climb up the back of the cliff, pretending to be a group of friends enjoying the beautiful day. They made sure to stay close to the bottom though, in case they were needed. Lisbon had set Jane up with a hidden microphone, but then she waited in the car. Jane headed to the exact spot where his brother had died, briefcase filled with traceable money in hand.

The letter had said to leave the money there, but it would look awfully suspicious to just drop the briefcase and walk away. Besides, if their theory was correct, this drop-off had nothing to do with money.

Jane studied the rocks. The last time he had seen them, they had been covered in blood. Eric's blood. He fought back tears. Now was not the time. When this was over, perhaps he would allow himself to break down, but not now.

"Patrick," a female voice called out to him.

Jane turned around to see a woman about his age, with curly strawberry blond hair and blue eyes. He recognized her instantly. "Emily," Jane greeted her warily. "I had a feeling you were behind this."

"Is that the money?" She asked, ignoring his statement.

"Come on Emily, we both know this has nothing to do with the money," Jane said.

"I deserve that money," she said coolly.

"Oh yeah? What makes you say that?" Jane asked, matching her indifferent tone.

Emily snorted. "You. Everything was fine until you were born. What made you so special? She left us for Alex, and you, to give you a family. I only got to see her when Alex was performing."

"You're mad at me because Amelia chose the Janes over the Parsons?" Jane clarified. This seemed to support their theory that Emily resented Jane for Amelia leaving. He just hadn't realized how deep her feelings went.

"And then, as if that wasn't enough for you, you had to go and kill Eric and drive her away!" Emily accused. Jane flinched slightly. She spoke as if he had thrown Eric off the cliff himself. Which, he supposed, wasn't too far off from the truth.

"She left, without even saying goodbye! And we tried to find her, we _did_! My dad was never the same after that. He died without ever seeing her again, but I never stopped looking. When I finally found her, she told me all about you. It's your fault I grew up without my mother!" Emily sounded slightly crazed. Jane could only guess at the things Amelia had told her, but it wouldn't have been difficult for her to convince her daughter that she was just another innocent victim of the horrible Patrick Jane.

"And you think $10 000 will make up for it?" Jane knew the money had been a ploy, but he wasn't sure what Emily's purpose was. All he could see in her face was anger.

"As you said, the money isn't the real reason you are here. It wasn't entirely your fault, after all. Victor took mom away too, and he paid for that. It was easy to frame his old partner, but I guess that wasn't necessary." As she spoke, she pulled out a gun. "You're here so that I can do what mom should have done years ago," Emily informed him.

Jane put his hands in the air. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the team running towards the two of them, guns drawn, as the families that had been nearby ran towards their cars. "Emily…" he said, but trailed off. For once, he had no idea how to talk his way out of trouble. The problem was that he agreed with everything she had said. It was his fault, and so many people would have been better off if his mother had been a better shot. He was the one who deserved to die.

"Put the gun down!" Lisbon shouted as she approached.

"Do it now!" Cho added.

Emily hesitated, her gun lowered slightly so that it was aimed at Jane's feet. But, Jane realized, she wasn't considering surrender. She was preparing to die.

As he had expected, she raised the gun and simultaneously she, Lisbon and Cho fired their weapons. Jane dropped to the ground, partially hidden amongst the rocks. Once his ears stopped ringing, he did a mental check of his body. No pain. He had dodged the bullet once again.

"Jane?" Van Pelt's soft voice came from behind him. "Are you okay?"

He took a moment to process the silence that followed her words. There was no one calling for an ambulance. Lisbon wasn't reading Emily her Miranda rights. That could only mean one thing. Jane sat up, looking at the spot where Emily had stood. She was on the ground, a pool of blood around her chest. The ochre rocks at the base of the cliff were once again stained red.


	15. Chapter 15

This is it! The last chapter. Thanks so much to everyone who has read and reviewed the story.  
At this point, I'd also like to add a dedication for the story. I know those are typically done at the beginning, but it feels more appropriate to put it here. This story is for my brother and sister, whom I love and miss more than words can say.

I hope you enjoy the final chapter, and please let me know what you think!

**Chapter 15**

Amelia did not take the news of her daughter's death – or guilt – well. She broke down crying, in sharp contrast to her composure following the death of her husband. The team had considered the possibility that Amelia had planned the entire thing and convinced Emily to murder Victor and Jane for her, but they had no evidence, so she had to be let go.

The team had left Amelia alone in an interrogation room while she calmed down. Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt were at their desks catching up on some work, and Jane was pacing nearby. "Talk about déjà vu," he said to Lisbon, a feeble attempt to lighten the mood. "Although I have to say, I could definitely do without going through this again."

It took Lisbon a moment to realize that he was referring to Amelia's reaction to Emily's death; it must have reminded him of when Eric died. "You don't need to be here," she told him gently. She knew he was only there out of guilt, to punish himself. "You've been through enough."

Jane gave her a look that spoke volumes. He was not leaving, and this was not the time to resume their conversation from the car. Lisbon squeezed his hand in understanding, and let it go, for now.

"I'm going to see if she's ready," Lisbon said, and Jane nodded. He briefly considered following, but his deep unease with the entire situation led him to wait in the bullpen. A minute later, Lisbon reemerged from the room, Amelia in tow.

"Hi," Jane greeted her nervously.

His worry was not unwarranted. Amelia looked at him as if he were a cockroach, then turned to Lisbon, ignoring Jane completely.

"Goodbye Agent Lisbon," she said, emphasizing the agent's name.

Lisbon was stunned. She didn't even know how to react, and she saw Jane look away quickly.

"I believe Patrick said hi," Lisbon said icily. After everything that had happened, everything that she had learned in the past couple of days, she wasn't willing to just let this woman's behaviour slide. Jane deserved better.

"Well, I'd rather never see, speak to, or hear from Patrick again," Amelia replied in a falsely sweet tone that made the agent snap.

When Lisbon spoke, her words came loudly and rapidly, commanding attention. "Patrick Jane is a _good_ man. He is kind and caring and a loyal friend. He's strong enough to overcome all the hurt you've put on him, but he deserves a far better mother than you. You put a five year old in charge of looking after his little brother! A five year old! You should have known better, you couldn't expect a child to. Eric's death is _your_ fault, due to _your_ negligence. And then you fill your daughter's head with lies, poison her so that she believes that she has to kill your husband and Patrick, and now she is dead, Victor is dead, and that is your fault too! You as good as killed two of your children, you abandoned Emily twice and Patrick once, and you're trying to tell me that all of this is _his_ fault?!"

The bullpen was silent. Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt stared at Lisbon, flabbergasted. Lisbon, meanwhile, was glaring at Amelia as if daring her to contradict what she had said.

Amelia was clearly dumbfounded, but her pride would not allow her to admit that she may have done anything wrong, or made any bad choices. "You say that now. But one day, you will look around and realize that people you care about are gone, and your life is a shadow of what it could have been, all because of him. Trust me, you're better off letting him go," she told Lisbon calmly. At that, she turned around and left.

The team stayed silent for a moment, and then Jane turned and walked hurriedly towards the attic, carefully looking away from his friends.

"Boss?" Grace looked at Lisbon for direction.

"Give him some time," Lisbon sighed. "It's been a rough case. I'll go up and talk to him in a bit, but I think right now he just needs some time."

***page break***

Jane had been in the attic for nearly an hour, and the rest of the team had all gone home for the night. Lisbon found herself in the break room, making a cup of tea. She knew exactly the way Jane liked it. She brought it up to the attic, and gently knocked on his door. To her surprise, the knock pushed the door open slightly; he hadn't locked it.

Lisbon entered, and found Jane sitting on his makeshift bed, holding the photo of him and Eric. There were tears running down his cheeks, and his entire body shook with each ragged breath. He didn't acknowledge Lisbon's presence at all. She closed the door behind her, placed the tea on the table and sat beside Jane, embracing him in her arms.

They sat like that for quite some time, until eventually Jane's breathing returned to normal.

"Thanks. For what you said earlier," Jane said diffidently.

Lisbon hugged him a bit tighter. "I meant every word," she told him, determined to make him believe it.

Jane sighed. "I know you did. But she was right. I know you don't agree, and that's sweet of you, but it's only a matter of time. Believe me, if I could fix it I would, but I seem to screw things up every time."

"No, you don't. Jane, there are people who care about you. I care about you. You're _not_ alone," Lisbon emphasized.

"But I should be!" Jane's voice shook with emotion. "It's the only way to keep you safe," he added, so softly that Lisbon almost missed it. "You know what I've done. If you have any sense of self-preservation, you'll listen to Amelia and stay away from me." There was no mistaking the utter despondency in his voice, and it broke her heart.

"Jane. You listen to me," she said quietly, but in a voice full of authority. Lisbon shifted her body so that she was looking right into his dejected blue eyes. "Listen. _Nothing_ is going to convince me that Eric's death was your fault. Nothing is going to convince me that Amelia Gorell is right. You expect me to believe that that woman, who hasn't seen you since you were five, knows you better than I do? I've been a cop for a long time. I like to think of myself as a pretty good judge of character. I know you. You're a good man, and I'm lucky to have you in my life."

Jane searched Lisbon's face, trying to read it. He saw only honesty and affection. Maybe in time, he would come to believe her. "No Teresa. I'm the one who is lucky to have you," he told her earnestly.

She grinned then, and seeing her happy made Jane smile also.

"Jane, don't give her a second thought. We know you. We are your family. You try to hide behind a mask, but we know who you are. We _like_ who you are." Lisbon briefly considered making a joke, but decided against it. He needed to know that she was serious.

"Thanks," Jane whispered brusquely. It hardly seemed sufficient, but he knew Lisbon would understand. He still wasn't entirely sure he bought her argument, but he knew that she believed it, and that knowledge gave him a sliver of hope. Maybe, just maybe, hers would be the one life he wouldn't wreck.

**THE END**


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